The holiday season is fast approaching and kick starts with Thanksgiving this week. As many parents are trying to navigate through the stressful divorce or separation process, the holiday season is further complicated by how to celebrate with the children. The holidays typically represent a break in tradition, making it incredibly hard for both parents and children. Parents may want to continue traditions at their own separate homes and children may feel torn between which parent to celebrate with.
Many parents are also faced with a change in financial circumstances to celebrate the way they used to be as a family. The bigger picture is that the last thing you want for your kids is to have negative memories of you fighting or using them as pawns during a battle with your spouse. So decide, do you want to be “naughty or nice?” The “NICE” way has the bigger WIN impact for you, your children, and your family. Here are some tips from a divorce attorney in Fairfax to help you through the holidays.
PLAN
Remember if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. So be prepared to have constructive co-parenting discussions with your spouse. It would be worthwhile to make suggestions on dates and times that you could both share the children. Remember, this is about the kids. Do not use your children as weapons in a war against your spouse.
REASSURE THE KIDS THAT THE HOLIDAY SEASON IS A MEMORABLE TIME
Although there may be a change in how the holiday season is celebrated, it is important to reassure your children that this is the time to create new rituals and traditions that will still create happy memories.
TAKE IT ONE HOLIDAY AT A TIME
If this is your first holiday as a separated family, be patient. It will get easier, better, and less painful. Right now, your focus should be on acting in the best interest of your children.
Below are some examples of using the “nice” strategy to explain this to your children:
- “Although the separation is difficult, you celebrate with your mom and dad at two different times. Meaning that you get double the celebration, double the gifts, double the love, and double the attention.” Avoid “naughty” responses that may include, “I do not want you to go but you have to because [your dad/mom] is being so difficult”. Although you may miss your children, the focus is not on you; encourage them to have fun and embrace the change.
- If there is gift giving, do not disparage the gift that your spouse gives. Rather than try to embrace it, remember that children generally view gifts as positive and exciting things, so do not be “naughty” and detract from their joy.
Commonly, there is a change in financial circumstances and you may not be able to buy the gift of your child’s choice as in past years. Don’t be “naughty” by explaining that your spouse is dragging you through a custody battle and you are broke. Instead, capitalize on the memories and engage in more cost-effective ideas for creating a new sense of family cohesion. On that note, I will end this blog entry with the quote below and a reminder that investing in creating positive memories with your children is the best gift you can give them. Also don’t hesitate to consult a divorce attorney in Fairfax when you have legal questions.
Divorce Attorneys in Fairfax
If you have questions about coping with divorce, our divorce attorneys in Fairfax can help. Please contact www.cgglawyers.com and schedule a consultation today.